Grace Tu

Grace Tu

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

My Dear Baby

My Dear Baby,

You have been telling me that you are scared of going to school, and that you are scared of certain kids at your school.  It did not take long before I found out that you’re scared of them because they would not play with you. To some people “scared” might be a funny word to use in this context, but my dear baby, when you told me I just wanted to hold you tight so that your heart can feel my warmth because I understand, and my heart broke for your heart and trust me, I am “scared”, for you, too.

Are you just like me? I remember trying so hard to make friends in that after school program in grade one. I was new so everyone else had their groups of friends already, and on my first day there I accidentally broke a popular girl’s vase, so she asked everyone to not talk to me.  I so wanted to make friends that your Grandmom and I bought snacks to share with the class, only to get rejected.  You were shy when you told me but I could almost see you asking if those older kids would play with you, and I could almost see you get rejected, and my heart sank.

You are like me, aren’t you? We don’t feel too comfortable when the group is so big but we can’t find someone who we truly connect to. We are so much happier having intimate conversations (like the talk we have everyday) with someone we truly care about. Is that why, even though you’re such a happy and sweet girl, I often see you quietly play on your own when I pick you up? If you are just like me, let me tell you that I understand. I understand how sometimes I prefer so much to be alone, but at the same time I long for someone to talk to.

My dear baby, if you are just like me, let me tell you that this feeling won’t necessary stop, and that you are likely to always feel it from time to time. But you know what? As you grow older, you will meet great people who can truly connect with you, who care for you, who appreciate you, and who will make you feel you are completely understood.  You may not have a lot of these people, but trust me you do not need a lot. It takes so much time, so much effort, to truly know someone, and for someone to know your precious heart – not too many people will have the time and willingness to do that. But, when some do, they become your lifetime friends, and maybe one of them becomes who you are going to marry.

And for now, let me share your fun and pain of growing up. You don’t need to wait to find someone who is willing to spend the time and energy to know you and to appreciate the whole you, because you have me, and you have your dad. And we do, and will always want to be there for you. And, I wish that you will be especially kind to those who seem to be lonely, and who seem to have been hurt and rejected. To some people, the smallest kindness could mean the whole world.