Grace Tu

Grace Tu

Saturday, November 14, 2015

My Dear Baby, Happy Birthday


My Dear Baby,

The other day I was at a mall.

I was walking really fast, but then I stopped.

I stopped because I saw a little kid with her little arms tightly around a woman’s neck, and her little head and the woman’s head touched

I stopped because I realized, even though I did not know that woman, I felt like I knew her and knew how she must had felt at that moment. I stood there and felt your arms around me like that, and I felt your hands softly played with my hairs.

The feeling of having that gentle weight around the neck. The feeling of being completely trusted. The feeling of being completely needed. I now understand.

And I was overwhelmed by this discovery. I must have seen the same scene thousands of times before that day but I never paid attention. I never paid attention because before that day, I could never relate to them.

Before you, some parts of my heart were never activated because before you, nothing had triggered them to be activated.

These are feelings that I could not have understood before I became your mom. Just like a person cannot truly understand what a heartbreak is until that person has gone through one. Just like a person cannot truly understand how it feels to listen to a church bell rings and watch hundreds of birds flying over at the same time until that person has experienced it.  Just like a person cannot understand how it truly feels to be standing on the top of the highest mountain until that person has physically been there, taking in all in, and let that experience influence his or her soul and modify it completely.  

And all these experiences, and all the little new things that we experience every single day, increase the capacity of our emotions and make us whole, more and more.

So, my dear baby, thank you for being here. Thank you for giving me new experience every single day. Thank you for activating so many part of my heart that I did not even know exist and for giving me greater capacity for emotions. Thank you for making my heart and soul whole, more and more.

I love you with all that I have. Happy birthday.
Your mama