Grace Tu

Grace Tu

Monday, February 10, 2014

Loneliness


I have never really felt lonely before. I never wanted big parties around me - they created more emptiness by taking so much of my soul from me and gave nothing real in return. And if I couldn't have a meaningful conversation with someone I felt close with, I would choose solitude and felt so satisfied burying myself in my thoughts.

But for the past few weeks, the same feeling would flood my mind several times throughout the days: the feeling of loneliness. And I realized I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.

It's a very unpleasant feeling, and many times the feeling was so severe that it gave me a nausea.

I asked myself why.

I have been given the greatest responsibility of my life - to raise my baby, towards whom I have the kind of love that's brand new to me. It does not matter that I am surrounded by people, because I feel that I and I alone am the one who is ultimately responsible for every single of her happiness or sadness. 

It's the heaviest and the loniest kind of love, for now. I am still learning.

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